I hate to sound a little like a chicken, but Saturday the sky started falling and it sort of startled me. We had hail the size of ... well, it was huge. We’ll get into precise dimensions in a few paragraphs.
I hate to sound a little like a chicken, but Saturday the sky started falling and it sort of startled me.
We had hail the size of ... well, it was huge. We’ll get into precise dimensions in a few paragraphs.
I was stepping out of the shower late Saturday afternoon when I heard the sound. A minute later and I would have missed a weather event. I miss most weather events. I’ve driven through two earthquakes felt in Northeast Ohio over the years because I was riding in my car. You don’t feel an earthquake on a pothole-filled road. And you can’t tell if it’s raining while the shower spray is hitting your head.
But, as I heard when I got on the dry side of the shower door, this was a rainstorm that sounded louder than rain is supposed to sound.
When I got upstairs, I looked out the patio door and saw ice bouncing off the roof onto the concrete. Instinctively -- and it’s depressing to discover that a guy’s instincts are this stupid -- I glanced at the calendar.
I knew I’d taken a long shower. But could it have lasted until December?
I thought briefly of running into the storm to collect hailstones. I guess I planned to throw the grocery store bag of ice chunks into the freezer, so I had proof that hail fell that was the size of golf balls.
Apparently, I had figured it was a pretty localized hail storm.
But there were thousands of us who got pelted by ice over the weekend, according to news reports. We all know what we saw.
Still, I have friends who sort of scoff when I mention golf-ball-sized hail.
They ask “Are you sure it wasn’t marble-sized?” And out of spite, it makes me want to exaggerate my claim. “I had hail the size of tennis balls.”
Perhaps I might insist, “I had hail the size of baseballs” or even “I had hail the size of softballs.” Or, maybe my hail might grow to the size of volleyballs. Stop me before I claim that “I had hail the size of basketballs Saturday,” because that could hurt.
All this raises a question.
Why is hail compared only to sports equipment? Why does nobody claim, “I had hail the size of a blueberry muffin.” Would it sound less serious as a food?
I have no proof of any of this, of course. I decided one shower was enough, and I stayed inside. There is no hail in my freezer. It’s just as well. The hail was wet, so the stones would have frozen together.
Nobody would believe “I had hail the size of a medicine ball ...”
Reach Repository Living Section Editor Gary Brown at (330) 580-8303 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.