Webster's has released 100 new words it'll be adding to the next edition of its dictionary. You know what that means. Whiny kids and a brand new Spitzionary.
Webster's has released 100 new words it'll be adding to the next edition of its dictionary.
You know what that means.
Whiny kids and a brand new Spitzionary.
Bored-er line: Jibber-jabber coming from fresh, young mouths about how there's nothing to do and none of my friends are around and I'm so bored and it's hot and did I mention I'm so bored?
Child over bored: What happens when the parent counters the bored-er line with a little helpful advice. Just mention room cleaning, laundry or that pesky summer reading list and a kid gets over being bored faster than Al Gore III drives a Prius.
Summer detourism: An annual attraction for local residents when roadwork has us uttering the classic Maine line, "You cahn't get theah from heah," and a 30-minute commute stretches to a day and a half.
Dogged determination: A canine's unerring ability to quickly determine the most expensive rug in the house and which clothes are dry-clean only. If all the rugs are of equal value, the allegedly colorblind creature can then rapidly assess which carpet's hues would be most adversely affected by whatever the pooch is about to deposit there.
Catatonia: Cats have some of a dog's acumen in spotting which vase is a real antique and therefore worthy of knocking off a shelf, but they also have a trick all their own. While dogs will cluelessly sniff and lick any available human, felines assess before they commit. If there's anyone in a crowd particularly unfond of felines, or better yet, allergic, the cat makes a beeline in that direction every time.
Pitter-Potter of little feet: The stomping sound a pre-teen makes when given the news there are no tickets left for the next showing of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix."
Musseling your way in: Putting the price tag for a bag of mussels on $50 worth of lobster and hoping nobody will notice. An Ashland man was accused of trying out the trick at Stop & Shop in Natick. Unfortunately for latent lobster lifters everywhere, employees did notice and called police.
Baaaaad behavior: What a young man from Sherborn was accused of, after police reviewed a surveillance tape from a local sheep barn.
Book backburner: When a judge stops a library expansion project like Northborough's because the contractor that lost the bid to do the renovation work files a lawsuit.
Le-gall defense: A concept pioneered by a lawyer wannabe who showed he's got what it takes by suing the Massachusetts Bar when he failed the exam. Stephen Dunne said he refused to answer a question involving gay marriage rights because he doesn't endorse gay marriage. If his suit goes forward, expect high school students to follow by insisting history tests cover only events that meet with their approval. No essay questions about slavery or the Holocaust, thank you very much, and nothing on Indian genocide, either. By the way, that whole Norman Conquest thing was really bogus, and forcing someone to remember 1066 is tantamount to condoning the invasion of another country.
Accelebration: Measurement as it applies to celebrities. In much the way dogs are said to age roughly seven years every 365 days, famous folk have time standards the rest of us don't. A celebrity marriage that lasts two full calendar years is the equivalent of a regular couple marking a silver anniversary, and every 15 minutes of fame is worth a People cover.
Weight is also measured differently when you're Star fodder. A celebrity gaining two pounds will have tabloids speculating about a pregnancy; the loss of two pounds is proof of anorexia. And while $10 million seems like a lot of money to your average nurse, teacher or firefighter, it's an insultingly paltry sum to be offered to star in a movie.
E-gregious behavior: Using e-greetings as an Internet spam scam. These days ex-Nigerian diplomats and European lottery agents are having a hard time making it into inboxes across America thanks to the spate of messages claiming "You have received a greeting card from a Loved One!," "You have received a greeting card from a Classmate!," "You have received a greeting card from a Partner!" and "You have received a greeting card from a Family Member!"
Contrapfusion: The inability to figure out the difference between a cordless phone and a remote control, let alone whether the remote is actually the one that turns on the DVD player or the TV, or maybe the one that doesn't do anything except lower the volume on the stereo, or is it really a garage-door opener that somehow made its way into the living room? Who the heck knows? Just keep pressing buttons and see what happens.
Circuitous overload: Too many Spitzionary entries to fit in one column, which means more are coming Sunday.
Julia Spitz can be reached at 508-626-3968 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Check metrowestdailynews.com or milforddailynews.com for the Spitz Bitz blog.