While traveling in Europe I met a woman from Italy. We hung out quite a bit while I was over there. When I left we decided we wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. I know this seems pretty difficult, but we’re in love. And I’ve visited her once since we left and she’s come here to visit. However, there are issues, more about logistics rather than commitment. I can’t move to Italy because I just started a business here in the states. And she’d like to move to be with me but her parents are very much against the whole idea. (Her family is very close.) My question is: How can I convince her to move and at the same time convince her family that I’m a guy that they can trust their daughter with? I wish they could understand how much I love her. I’m not sure what to do. She’s also scared that I might change my mind once she moves and then she’ll be stuck here.

While traveling in Europe I met a woman from Italy. We hung out quite a bit while I was over there. When I left we decided we wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. I know this seems pretty difficult, but we’re in love. And I’ve visited her once since we left and she’s come here to visit. However, there are issues, more about logistics rather than commitment. I can’t move to Italy because I just started a business here in the states. And she’d like to move to be with me but her parents are very much against the whole idea. (Her family is very close.) My question is: How can I convince her to move and at the same time convince her family that I’m a guy that they can trust their daughter with? I wish they could understand how much I love her. I’m not sure what to do. She’s also scared that I might change my mind once she moves and then she’ll be stuck here.


Randy


Dear Randy,


Thanks for your question.


Let me address your last question first. You need to reassure her that you love her and that nothing will change when she moves to the states to be with you. I know you can’t completely guarantee this, but I’m sure you can make her feel more comfortable about the huge risk she is taking. Think about how you might feel if you were in her shoes. Anyone in her situation would feel apprehensive. A new country. A new language. New customs. New people. She’s moving away from all that she knows in order to begin a completely new life with someone she hasn’t know for that long. It would be kind of scary wouldn’t you say? 


Her family is another matter. Understand that you’re taking their baby away from them, and even worse, to a far away place. Parents want their kids to be happy but they also want to be part of the mix as their kids go through the stages of life. You represent the prospect of them not being able to see their daughter very often — maybe they’re already thinking about grandkids too — and that makes them sad. They see this only in terms of loss right now, rather than in terms of their daughter’s happiness. Their feelings may never change, but more likely, over time, if they see that their daughter is very happy and content, they’ll probably come around. (Kids also have a way of softening people’s feelings. Not to jump the gun too much.)


All you can do right now is be authentic. Focus on your relationship between the two of you and stop worrying about her parents. Talk to her as much as possible and remind her how much you care about her. This is about you and her, not her parents.


She should be able to handle them. If not, and she capitulates to them then you’ll know it wasn’t right.


Good luck,


Saelen


Saelen Ghose is the head writer for The Guy’s Perspective, a popular relationship blog and website. Over the course of his tenure he has responded to thousands of relationship questions, and while he hasn’t solved every problem, he has provided a thoughtful perspective on every question received. If you have a relationship question of your own, please email tgpadvice@gmail.com. Saelen will do his best to answer your question. Please limit your question to 200 words or less. For more from The Guy’s Perspective, visit www.theguysperspective.com.