It can happen in an instant Ö A super hurricane. A rogue wave. A meteor headed straight for Earth. Godzilla rising from the ocean. A Sharknado.
Whatever the disaster, Hollywood has produced it. And theyíre doing it again this weekend when Dwayne ďThe RockĒ Johnson faces the long prophesied fault line rupture in ďSan Andreas.Ē Here is how to prepare yourself for mass destruction.
1. Be the everyman: Sure, the government suits and military men have endless resources. But itís the normal guy that rises to greatness with all the practical answers. Not everything can be solved with a nuclear bomb, General Whatís-His-Name.
2. Donít be an expert: Being knowledgeable in the relevant disaster field is never respected. Even if they warn of the impending peril, everyone will laugh in their face until tragedy hits. And they who predicted it will likely die because of it.
3. Be the kid of the everyman: Nothing drives a survival story like a parent barreling straight into the eye of the storm (sometimes literally) to bravely save their kid from a library or somewhere cool Ė and they usually succeed.
4. Find love or an ex: Nothing reignites the spark in a broken marriage or brings young lovers together like climbing through rubble and dodging debris.
5. Donít live in New York or Los Angeles: That is basically just asking to die horribly. Itís best to set up roots in nowhere Middle America, where disasters tend to ignore.
6. Avoid bodies of water: Chances are an earthquake or a meteor or Godzilla are going to create a big wave and it will hit a crowded area. Cue the reaction shots of crowds thinking they can outrun the ocean.
7. Stay clear from national monuments: A national monument will be obliterated. Plain and simple. Hollywood has washed away, beheaded and destroyed the Statue of Liberty so many times that France probably wants it back. Also best to avoid the White House, Washington Monument, Hollywood sign and Empire State Building.
8. Donít be a jerk: The pompous guy or gal in every survivorís group is more likely to drown, fall in a hole or get squashed by a falling building just for effect. (Bonus points if itís after they see the error of their ways and sacrifice themselves for the greater good.)
9. If possible, be a dog: Dogs always narrowly escape death by running their little hearts out until someone swoops in at the last second. An entire city can perish into the Earth, but if Fido dies, the movie is a downer.
Hunter Ingram writes for StarNews Media in Wilmington, North Carolina. Follow him on Twitter at @HunterIngramSN.