Today's News: Our Take - Top Moments: Liz Lemon Gets Married and Lindsay Lohan Is Liz
16. Best Alternate Reality: On The New Normal, David reveals the surprising way he thought his life would turn out. He always thought he would have a son to play catch and drink lemonade with, but instead of marrying a man, his childhood dream involved marrying Brenda Walsh, aka Shannon Doherty, who makes a hilarious and unexpected cameo in the show's opening moments. 9021-whoa!
15. Worst Welcome Home: After their breakup last week, Scarlett finds herself questioning her decision to leave Avery on Nashville. So after a few drinks - and a brief kiss with a stranger - Scarlett heads to Avery's place and tells him how much she's missed him, only to see the promiscuous female manager that caused their breakup emerge from Avery's bedroom without a shirt. On the upside, at least this will make for a great country song?
14. Best Sex Talk, Part 1: When Mindy learns that her 15-year-old neighbor is thinking about having sex for the first time with her boyfriend on The Mindy Project, our favorite OB-GYN finds a unique - and very medical - way to show her approval. Instead of trying to tell the teen to wait, she goes to her school volleyball practice and gives all the girls a lecture about how love may be fleeting but "herpes are forever" before handing out condoms. Sure, Mindy is put in plastic handcuffs for handing out condoms to underage girls, but straightforward honesty, like herpes, will last forever.
13. Best Substitute: It's sunny skies with a chance of... Scarlett? When Al Roker comes down with laryngitis, Scarlett Johansson volunteers to fill in for the Today weatherman since she has had "a lot of experience with weather." "This is my dream come true," she says, before enthusiastically delivering a forecast, complete with Roker's signature line "Here's what's happening in your neck of the woods" and not-totally-accurate map gestures. Better watch your back, Al!
12. Nice Guys Finish First Award: In a minor upset, Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani edge out season-long favorites Shawn Johnson and Derek Hough to take home the All-Stars Mirrorball trophy on Dancing with the Stars - and for once, the pro is way more excited than the celeb. Tony completely flips out and unloads a flurry of expletives that surely had the FCC biting their nails. Even if you wanted Shawn and Derek to win, how could you not be happy for the guy who had to suffer through Kate Gosselin?
11. Best Sex Talk, Part 2: When Schmidt begins to worry about his inability to please his sexually demanding boss Emma on New Girl, he turns to Jess' friend Sadie, a trained OB-GYN, to find out what he's doing wrong. However, when he discusses his elaborate strategy for pleasing the ladies - including going to a sharing circle, spiking a volleyball and answering a troll's riddles - he catches the breath of the normally lady-loving OB-GYN, who dubs him a "va-genius." Expect your plaque in six to eight business days.
10. Best Tease: A lot happens on Revolution's midseason finale (hostages, murder, reunions and helicopters!), but the most game-changing moment isn't an explosive action sequence or tear-jerking speech. It's simply when Rachel, upon hearing that Miles was with Charlie, asks her daughter with great concern, "Did he hurt you?" Unfortunately, we'll have to wait four months to find out what Miles did to earn such distrust.
9. Most Vindictive Comeback: On Revenge's flashback-within-a-flashback (as if you're not confusing enough, show!) Thanksgiving episode, Victoria reveals the dirty deets of her twisted past with her mother Marion (Adrienne Barbeau). Marion's new beau Ben dumps her after learning that Marion framed a 15-year-old Victoria for the murder of one of her lovers and later married the guy who sexually assaulted teen Vic after she was released from a psych ward. But it turns out the whole dinner table story time is one big setup: The Graysons hired Ben to date Marion just so Victoria could humiliate Mommie Dearest. Cold, Vic, cold.
8. Best Introduction: Good Wife devotees have been waiting a long, long time to meet the woman who gave birth to Alicia Florrick and mama Veronica (an Emmy-worthy performance by Stockard Channing) does not disappoint. During a meeting about her late husband's will, Veronica manages to make the unshakable David Lee's mouth (slightly) drop when she compliments him on his Jewish heritage. "I always liked Jewish men. I always thought a penis never looked quite right unless it was circumcised." She must have given Alicia and Owen one hell of a birds-and-the-bees talk back in the day, are we right?
7. Most Stomach-Turning Interrogations: Take note, Homeland. The Walking Dead takes its own stab (heh) at persuasive questioning when the Woodbury folks capture two of Rick's gang. And even though Glenn endures a thrashing and has a zombie loosed on him, he never breaks (but that chair he was strapped into sure does!). Sadly, the Governor's particularly sick brand of sexual intimidation prods Maggie to spill the location of their camp. Great, another reason not to eat while watching this show!
6. Best Reveal: A McBaby is finally on the way on Grey's Anatomy! After Meredith had all but given up ever getting pregnant - what with her hostile uterus and the fact that she and Derek had already adopted Zola - she finally reveals to Derek that she is three weeks along via a T-shirt for Zola labeled "Big Sister." First McMansion, now McBaby. What's McNext?
5. Best Near-Death Experience: After being whisked away by helicopter to a private meeting with a clean-shaven Abu Nazir, Homeland's Brody tells the CIA the details of Abu Nazir's planned attack. Although Brody's intel is good and the Good Guys thwart the terror cell's plan, Saul also uncovers some unsettling intel about Quinn: He's a black ops assassin whose involvement in the mission is unclear. Or at least it is until, when Carrie & Co. arrest Nazir's cronies, Estes dispatches Quinn to also kill Brody. Fortunately, Brody is spared because the CIA doesn't catch Nazir, but we'll certainly be looking at Quinn with different eyes in these final episodes.
4. Worst Birthday Ever: Yes, they went there. In what turns out to be the most eventful birthday ever for the president on Scandal, Fitz gets shot on the way to his own party! Is it bad that we hoped First Lady Mellie was the intended target? (Kidding! We love Mellie's deliciously wicked ways.)
3. It's About Time Award: After more than three seasons, The Vampire Diaries' Damon and Elena finally get it on! What starts as an intimate conversation soon leads to dancing, which then leads to a hot-and-heavy sex scene that ends before we could pick our jaws off the floor. In the words of Lindsay Lohan on Liz & Dick: We want more!
2. Best Worst Biopic: The worst part about Liz & Dick (other than the film itself) is that it's just so hard to isolate one so-bad-it's-good moment. There's Richard saying that he has an "ocean" in Elizabeth. Liz downing pills with vodka to kill herself. The "Slut on a Hot Tin Roof" sign. The movie's gall to re-create a scene from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Campy White Diamonds Liz abruptly fainting after learning of Richard's death. But we'll go with Lindsay Lohan-as-Liz, in between jobs and caring for her kids, dramatically, unconvincingly and hilariously declaring to the heavens, "I'm bored! I'm so bored!" What's not boring? LiLo's week.
1. Best Princess Moment: Although Liz Lemon insists it's "no big whoop" that she and Criss decide to get married on 30 Rock, her loving soon-to-be husband tricks her into admitting that she cares and convinces Liz to be a princess on her special day. However, Liz Lemon's version of a princess is less Say Yes to the Dress and far more sci-fi, but her dressing up as Princess Leia for their city hall ceremony is just the perfect quirky happy ending fans have come to expect. Mazel Tov, dummies! (Liz is Jewish, right?)
What were your top moments?
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