Gary Brown: If the clubs are in the car, it’s not really a choice

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Some observations about life:

* All coaches who ever have been doused by the cold contents of a Gatorade bucket after a victory should be exempt from ever having to take seriously the Ice Bucket Challenge.

* If during this hot and humid time of the year your lawn grows so slowly that during weekly mowing you have to strain to see what parts of the yard you’ve mowed and what parts you haven’t, you’re not really mowing anything, you’re just showing off for the neighbors.

* Yes, the Friday before Labor Day is too early to officially start Christmas shopping.

* There probably is a reason why parents post pictures on Facebook of smiling first-graders — who “can’t wait to start school!” — and not sad-looking high schoolers, and that reason is either algebra or calculus.

* A guy should never waste the time trying to decide between a chore and a recreational pursuit — “Let’s see, play golf or paint the garage door?” — if he already has his golf shoes and clubs in his car’s trunk.

* The online wishing of “congratulations” for birthdays on which people are older than 60 and anniversaries for which couples have been married for longer than 40 years, because of the commendable duration, deserve at least two exclamation points in celebration.

* Say what you want about the paintings of da Vinci, van Gogh, Rembrandt, Picasso, Monet, and Michelangelo, there is no piece of art more cherished and meaningful than the drawing done by a kindergarten pupil that is put up with magnets on the family refrigerator.

* As a civilization, we must be seriously close to our end if we need a mandated “Nutrition Facts” label on our bottled water, which notifies us that the serving size is “one bottle,” and that — “based on a 2,000 calorie diet” — this serving provides us with zero calories, zero carbohydrates, zero protein, zero sodium and zero percent of our total fat.

* During this era of online book selling and electronic book reading, bookstores existing in strip malls should adopt the winning marketing strategy of telling potential customers passing the doors that they have air-conditioning in the sweltering portions of summer and hot coffee in the dead of winter.

* With pictures now being taken with cell phones, posted on social media sites, and saved for posterity at online storage pages, there may come a time when an entire generation never has had to choose between getting a wallet-sized photo or an 8-by-10 glossy.

* When it comes to forecasting the weather, the more technology we develop to predict it, the more often it just happens the way it wants to, regardless of whether or not we have a picnic planned.


Follow Gary on Twitter @gbrownREP.