Get A Life: Stop worrying about the aging process
I must admit that I’ve had my share of fears and tears about the advancing years, but you really have to laugh at what’s going on. Anytime I would have a concern about getting older, I would immediately call my mother to hear one of her uplifting messages. “You think that’s bad! You haven’t seen anything yet!” This always made me feel grateful for a few days. Then I would get sucked back in again, particularly after watching a 60-year-old movie star say she’s never had any nips or tucks, and that what you see is merely the result of years of natural living and eating. How natural is it to have your eyebrows meet your hair. Should your face look like you just stepped out of a wind tunnel?
Magazines are loaded with ads showing underwear that is supposed to lift and firm, most of which was designed by sadists. I remember my grandmother’s undergarments, which at the time I thought I’d never be caught dead in. Now, I realize she was simply a sensible woman in tune with the aging process. Her bra was sturdy; the straps were wide enough to hold up the Brooklyn Bridge. She used to wear big pink bloomers with plenty of room in them. I remember hanging them on the line like huge flags blowing in the breeze.
Nowadays, no matter what size underwear comes in, it looks like it’s made for toddlers. The thongs really get me. I can’t imagine paying $10 for a strip of cloth that will end up giving me a wedgie. Personally, I’ve taken the following steps to stop worrying about the aging process. I try not to bathe too often. Showers are preferable. Bathing poses the risk of seeing yourself in your entirety. I have often thought I resemble a landscape of cascading hills. In the tub, certain things are covering certain other things. I once lost the soap in one of my hills, only to have it drop out during one of my lectures.
I don’t buy pleated skirts anymore, as I’ve discovered that I am a pleated skirt. My bras are soft and comfortable or non-existent. Let’s face it, do I need to be traumatized to create an illusion? At some point the so called miracle bra has to come off and then the miracle is over.
Trying to fight aging can be exhausting. We don’t have to be obsessed attempting to look and act youthful. Trying to stay healthy in mind/body and spirit is probably most important. The rest is a choice. You can Botox, use fillers for deep wrinkles, or have a face lift. However, you can also not wear your glasses and basically get the same effect or train yourself to laugh more at the whole process.
— Author, humorist, PBS star and Fortune 500 trainer Loretta LaRoche lives in Plymouth, Massachusetts. To share your pet peeves, questions or comments, write to The Humor Potential, 50 Court St., Plymouth, MA 02360. Visit her website at stressed.com.