Loretta LaRoche: Believing in Santa will NOT make you fat
Ho, ho, ho -- 'tis the season to be jolly! Oops, I just made a faux pas. Ho, ho, ho is politically incorrect, according to some folks masquerading as the Christmas police in Sidney, Australia.
Evidently, they believe the traditional greeting might sound like a phrase that refers to a woman selling her ware.
Poor St. Nick is getting his share of criticism this year. Acting U.S. Surgeon General Steven Galston also chastised him for being fat. It seems he's not a good role model for children.
I'm sure someone will soon suggest that the reindeer pulling the sled should be given a pension plan.
And what about Santa's toy shop? I think it needs to be unionized. Those elves work around the clock.
If Santa becomes thinner, what about his wife? She looks like she's had one too many gingerbread cookies.
Will making Santa thinner really help lower the obesity problem?
Why not ask all the fast-food restaurants to only hire slim employees?
How about health care professionals like nurses or doctors? Should they be in absolute perfect health if their going to counsel us about ours?
Why stop there? I think we should appoint someone to read every fairytale to make sure that all the characters are politically correct. I could be suffering right now from reading "Little Red Riding Hood." Perhaps when I wake up at night and can't fall back to sleep, it's because I can't erase the images of the wolf.
How about Cinderella? Shouldn't the stepmother and her daughters be in family therapy? What should we do about Pinocchio? A boy carved out of wood by a cobbler that becomes real. What was Gepetto on? Let's give that shoe man some medication so he stops having hallucinations.
What is going on? Are we losing our collective minds? I doubt children are influenced by seeing characters or reading fables that have been around for eons. We all need a break from reality. Part of what makes life fun is imagination, whimsy and creativity.
Our primary role models are our parents and our grandparents. Their values often become ours. If they choose health and well being, it more than likely will be transferred to their children. One interaction with a portly Santa will not drive them to eat themselves into a coma.
Let's stop paying attention to all this nonsense and just "lighten up."
Author, humorist, PBS star and Fortune 500 trainer Loretta LaRoche lives in Plymouth, Mass. To share your pet peeves, questions or comments, write to The Humor Potential, 50 Court St., Plymouth, MA 02360, send e-mail to email@example.com, visit the Web site at www.stressed.com, or call 800-99-TADAH (82324).