Loretta LaRoche: Egg-cellence at the supermarket

Loretta LaRoche

When my mother retired to Hampton Bays, Long Island, her favorite pastime was going to the local farm and buying fresh eggs. She wanted them right from the hen to the frying pan.

I, for the most part, have been relegated to purchasing eggs in the supermarket. It used to be a pretty easy process. There were four sizes: small, medium, large and extra large. They came in two colors: white and brown. I never stopped more than a few seconds to make my selection.

Over the past several years, an entire section of the dairy case is devoted to eggs. I think I finally woke up to how ludicrous it has become when I made a run to the supermarket last week. Thank God I had my glasses on so I could make an accurate decision.

There were at least seven different kinds and they all came from a variety of situations. Some of the eggs came from hens that were organic and cage free.

Does this mean I will have less stress if I eat eggs from a chicken who is less confined?

Others were natural and in larger than normal cages. There were also slightly brown, brown, dark brown, cream and slightly soiled eggs from perhaps chickens who don't get enough sleep.

I suspect in the near future we will see hens that have had therapy, been exercised daily by a personal trainer and hens that are allowed conjugal visits before laying their eggs.

The next layer of decision-making comes in deciding if you want eggs that have extra omega 3 fatty acids in them.

Omega 3s are now viewed as the new fountain of youth and you can find it in everything from flea collars to shampoo. It's supposed to elevate mood, lower triglycerides and help with joint problems.

But eggs already have this particular substance as part of their genetic makeup, so why mess with them?

Eggs seem to go through a lot of cycles. They have gone from being the anti-Christ of food to now being exploited as healthy. I think they were always good for us and they were fine the way they were.

We just can't seem to leave well enough alone. So expect to see more choices in the egg aisle until some company promises one too many benefits and ends up with egg on their face.

Author, humorist, PBS star and Fortune 500 trainer Loretta LaRoche lives in Plymouth, Mass. To share your pet peeves, questions or comments, write to The Humor Potential, 50 Court St., Plymouth Mass. 02360, send e-mail to, visit the Web site at, or call 800-99-TADAH (82324).