Anne Palumbo: Father’s Day gift got you stymied? Try this
Father’s Day is just days away, which means that we need to get our act together and do something.
Faster than we can say “juice-can pencil-holder,” the day will be here and we will all be whimpering, “Whadderwegonnagetferdad?”
I know, I know, fathers are hard to buy for, because, darn it all, they go out and buy whatever they need themselves. But that doesn’t mean we can’t demonstrate our love in other ways.
Our family? We show our appreciation the old-fashioned way: We woo him with grill grub.
That old proverb “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is true, true, true. Fact is, when my guy sees a big ol’ plate of home-cooked anything, he looks at me with more love than the day I broke down and ironed one of his shirts. Ha, ha, just kidding. That did not make his heart go pitter-patter. No, no. It was the day I … oh, never mind. But mulch was involved.
All I’m saying is that we don’t need to get all materialistic on Father’s Day by buying our men tacky ties or woolly socks or magnum chain saws. Experience tells me they don’t really want gifts. What they want is some kind of gesture that lets them know that we think they could have single-handedly saved the Titanic had they been on board.
Anyway, like I said, the kids and I show our love by wrasslin’ up something on the grill. We read somewhere that dads and ribs go together like men and undershorts saved from high school days, so we make a point of grilling this dish on Father’s Day.
Of course – and I cannot stress this enough – operating an appliance that is typically dad’s domain has its challenges. What I am trying to say is, you need to respect dad’s territory and proceed with caution. Put another way, you should follow dad’s grilling techniques to a T.
OK, what I am really getting at is that you might need to knock dad out to use his coveted grill.
Believe me, I can appreciate a zealous relationship with an appliance. I have one going with my sewing machine. Get near my beloved Bernina and things could get dicey. Not that that happens when I am in the vicinity of our little grill. My husband isn’t that wedded to his Weber. Plus, I just don’t grill very much. On top of that, no one is very fond of my grilling technique, which involves charring the heck out of suspicious meat that is clearly full of toxins. What? You don’t share that approach?
But back to Father’s Day. If you and the kids do decide to grill, you’ll want to make sure that (1) all of the windows are closed, and (2) dad is occupied in some way. You see, if he knows what you’re up to, he’ll charge out and take command of the grilling ship – and you don’t want that to happen! No, it’s Father’s Day, for goodness sakes, and you want dad luxuriating in the four R’s: reading, relaxing, and returning recyclables.
In conclusion, there are many ways to honor dad on Father’s Day, but nothing says “I appreciate you” quite like a home-grilled meal. If leaving dad alone in a hot room with all the windows shut is the only way you can make that happen – then sequester away, pin him down! On second thought, maybe a tie isn’t such a bad gift after all.
Anne Palumbo writes this weekly column for Messenger Post Newspapers. E-mail: email@example.com.