Charita Goshay: Tips for HOF fest-goers
Before you head out to the Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival fun and festivities, here are 10 handy-dandy tips:
1. One of the best things about festivals is people-watching. No one can argue that we’ve become a more free-wheeling culture, but there are some “fashion statements” better left unsaid. If people are stopping in their tracks -- and toddlers are pointing and blurting, “Hey, Mom, lookit!” – it probably isn’t because you’re bringing sexy back.
2. If you insist on wearing “bling,” at the very least, check the forecast. Getting caught in the rain in cheap jewelry is the fashion equivalent of a chemical spill.
3. Now, I love kids as much as anybody; they’re cute, and they’re funny, especially in situations when you aren’t supposed to laugh. That being said, children should not be allowed to roam through festival events like packs of wolves or street urchins from “Oliver Twist.” Also, before you leave home, please teach your kids a new catchphrase: “Excuse me.”
4. Be cognizant of your child’s needs. One year, I saw a sun-exposed baby who looked like a tamale in a diaper.
5. If it gets to the point that you can’t maneuver the stroller through the crowd, it’s time to go home; there’s always next year. How would you like to be strapped in a rolling bucket with nothing to look at except litter, bunions and spilled beer?
6. Singer Amy Winehouse can get away with wearing a ratty beehive -- outrageousness is her shtick. But if you go a Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival event wearing a black beehive, you’ll end up looking like Amy Crackhouse. Don’t do it.
7. If your doctor has told you that your cholesterol number has reached the point where it requires a comma, why would you even think about trying mashed potatoes on a stick?
8. Be careful when buying a fluorescent necklace; make sure it isn’t leaking. You don’t want to end up having to live in a landfill or blowing out somebody’s Bluetooth.
9. Don’t annoy celebrities you may happen to encounter by remarking that they look “a lot less fat” in person, or asking them if they know “Hannah Montana.”
10. Watch your spending. Festivals and vacations are about the only times in life when you’ll plunk down $3 for an ice cream bar. You’ll know you’ve overdone it if, three weeks after the festival ends, you’re still tailgating outside of Fawcett Stadium because, well, you have nowhere else to go.
Contact Charita M. Goshay at (330) 580-8313 or firstname.lastname@example.org.