Frank Mulligan: Turn, baby, turn
There are many types of people in the world.
There are those who see the cup as half full.
Those who see it as half empty.
And those who want to throw the cup to the floor.
There are those who’d rather light a candle than curse the darkness.
And there are those who find shouting a few obscenities into the darkness kind of therapeutic. (I’m one of them.)
There are self-starters.
And there are those, I guess, who have to be started by some sort of remote.
There are go-getters, who I think are often self-starters, as well, or are at least on a first-name basis.
And there are those who’d rather not go get, but are content to stay home and let someone else go get and bring back what they went out and got.
There are morning people.
And there are those who love the nightlife. You know, people who got to boogie.
And it seems entirely reasonable to suspect there are also people who are somewhere in between and really get going around 1:30 p.m.
There are people who wear their heart on their sleeve.
There are people who are “tough to read.”
And there are people who look forward to the eighth season of “American Idol.”
There are people who are as sly as a fox.
People who are as dumb as an ox.
And there are people – or there were, anyway – who claim to be a monkey’s uncle.
I can understand the underlying motivations of all these people, except for maybe those folks looking forward to another season of “American Idol.”
But there’s one type of person whose actions I can’t understand.
These are the people who don’t feel it necessary to use their vehicle’s directional signals or, in the vernacular, their “blinkers.”
These are the “turn-signal challenged.”
This simple act is beneficial to both the person who is turn-signal challenged and the typical driver who has no difficulty in conveying to the rest of the world in which direction he or she wants to point three to four tons of hurtling glass and metal.
I try “channeling” the thoughts of the turn-signal challenged and come up with the following:
“Hey, look at that car waiting to enter traffic. Hmmm. That driver’s probably wondering if I’m going to proceed straight down the road at 45 mph, in which case he’d best wait before entering traffic unless getting into a collision has some sort of appeal. Or, that driver’s probably wondering if I’m going to make that turn before reaching him. In which case he could pull out without any fear of being moments away from becoming part of an accident scene. Yep, that driver’s probably wondering about those issues.
“I think my wisest course of action is not to tip my hand and indicate I’m going to turn by taking the microsecond or so necessary to flick the directional signal. Yeah, it’s best I keep this information to myself. Yeah, right. That’s the ticket …”
Sorry, I just don’t get the turn-signal challenged.
Frank Mulligan is an editor in CNC’s Raynham office and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.