Charita Goshay: Democrats perfect the art of implosion

Charita Goshay

Growing up, every blue-collar neighborhood had one family that excelled in organized chaos.

Theirs wasn't so much a home as it was a madhouse. They fought one another like Louis and Schmeling, and whether it was their mother bellowing from the front porch, their teenage sons cursing out their grandma or bare-chested toddlers playing in the street, they lit up the neighborhood.

For those of us who lived under rules, they put the "fun" in dysfunctional, wreaking havoc and pulling the kinds of stunts for which we knew we'd be killed.

Years later, it dawns on you: They were the neighborhood version of the Democratic Party. Just like that family, no one does chaos, drama and self-inflicted disaster better than the Democrats.

Apart from Wile E. Coyote and Thelma and Louise, is there anyone more expert at stepping on the gas, even as they're heading toward the cliff?

He said, she said

Last week, as the Dems converged to nominate Sen. Barack Obama, their convention became a bubbling cauldron of gossip, bitterness and cross-accusations. As Bill huffed and puffed, the PUMAS (Party Unity My A**) and Feminists for Hillary charged the Obamaniacs with cheating, which is about as likely as outmaneuvering the Macbeths.

Some have sworn upon Susan B. Anthony they'll vote instead for John McCain, a guy who cheated on his first wife and who opposes abortion under all circumstances — even rape and incest. For a Clintonista, isn't that the ideological equivalent of vacuuming in pearls and high heels?

For those misogynists who wouldn't vote for a woman for homecoming queen, the Dems' divisive hissy fit serves as Exhibit A.

Even Al Gore eventually got over it.

In contrast, the Republicans are like that other family in the old neighborhood, a pretense of perfection with just the right amount of kids, all perfectly behaved, in a well-ordered, problem-free, spotless house.

But where's the fun in that?

By hook or crook

This may be my last column, because if Craig Rohr doesn't get some prison time for stealing $1.8 million from St. Barbara's Church in Massillon, Ohio, and from a Hartville, Ohio, housing project for the disabled, I'm making a midlife career change to a life of white-collar crime.

Jails are filled with muggers, but how often do you see people in the klink who steal while wearing a shirt and tie?

Really, who can blame white-collar crooks for taking the risk? After all, cops can't take your memories. Rohr spent the money he stole on a luxury SUV, swell family vacations and fancy dinners.

A white-collar criminal has to commit an egregious crime, like a $2 million birthday party, or better yet, cheating the IRS, before jail becomes a looming reality.

Rohr's attorney says he's trying to make restitution. But does that mean he should dodge jail ... for giving his victims back their own money?

Contact Charita Goshay at