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Deirdre Reilly: Frankie A. YoungVoter on the election

Deirdre Reilly

Yo, man, what’s up? This is Frankie A. YoungVoter coming at you – I’m a friend of Deirdre’s, and I got some things to say! I’m 18 and a college student, and soon me and my boys will have to vote. I can barely remember when my classes are, dude – so voting is going to be tough, but it’s worth it! I love America – we’re the greatest of the 10 continents, and the Native Americans did not just sail over on those three boats a long time ago for nothing! Here is what I’m thinking right now, so check it out:

OK, like, No. 1 – the news shows are messed up. Everybody’s just screaming at each other all the time! Sounds like me and my last girlfriend! (No, I’m just kidding – she’s chill. We hang out now.) But what is the deal! One of my professors asked us to watch one of these political cable shows and pick out five issues – and I couldn’t do it! Not unless you count anger issues, that is. We can’t learn anything from them – my time is much better spent playing “Rock Band.” PlayStation 3, ya’ll!

So to try to decide, after that I went to the newspapers – but most of these papers are like way, way for Barack Obama, and they have, like, fallen in love with the guy! How am I supposed to compare when I don’t get the good and bad of both sides? I may not know much, but a real comparison looks at two sides equally. Like on “Survivor,” when one group has decided that someone’s off the island, it’s over, man. They’re pretending they’re discussing it, but it’s over. (That show is lame, now – the people just look way too hungry.) John McCain better step it up and start talking to me if he wants my vote! I’m 18, and my vote counts!

OK, next thing – why is that Palin woman always in so much heat? I mean, come on! Remember those hair ads: “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” – (my mom used to crack me up, by the way – she would say that when she just got out of bed, and she was a mess. It was funny. Now she sleeps too much and doesn’t joke around hardly at all.) Well, we got a little of that going on here, I think! She cannot talk in her sleep with people coming down on her! Wasn’t she a governor of a whole state? And Joe Biden said we’re gonna have a terrorist event after Obama’s election? What was that noise? College students don’t like to hear anything about that – we’re jumpy anyway, with campus shootings. It’s messed up. And if Obama has anything to do with a guy who bombed things, this guy Ayers, that’s bad, right? I mean, think about it! Just because he was 8 years old when this guy Ayers did his crimes, that doesn’t mean it’s OK, in my book. Some things just should knock you out of “polite society,” man, and bombing things is one of them! If my mom knew a convicted criminal who had bombed people in a building, but “was only 8 when he went to jail” that would have nothing to do with the dude coming for dinner. He just wouldn’t be coming. 

On campus, all my professors are liberal, and if there are conservative professors, they don’t show it. Why not? My dad used to say, “Be who you are. You’ve only got one life to do it.” He’s in Iraq right now – I can’t really talk about that. But what I can say is – you do only have one life, and if you’re conservative, that’s chill. Be who you are, even if everyone else is different. That’s in the Constitution, right? Everything’s, like, flip-flopping, and now real people – not TV guys, but real people, are speaking softly, afraid of offending. Not me, man! 

The way I see it, this is a great country. I mean, a guy like me is enrolled at a really good community college, and I actually have a future if I stay away from the partying and hit the books. But some crazy stuff is going down – and a lot of my friends aren’t even voting, because they see it as a useless cause. We hear “ACORN” and “voter fraud” and we shut down, man. Personally, you can’t come to my house and play “Rock Band” unless you are going to vote – just my little form of torture for my friends. But we need the grown-ups in the country to start talking straight, and tell us the truth without the babble. Obama, if you are really more liberal than you’re acting, own it. Is that the way you’re going to take us as a country? We have a right to know. And McCain, I’m thinking of voting for you. My family is conservative, and we don’t want higher taxes; we’re just scraping by now. We might have to sell our house, if things don’t get better. But you need to make it real, too. Stop arguing, you guys, and start talking to us – time is running out. Now, good luck to you both, and peace out.

Note: Deirdre takes all responsibility for Frankie A. YoungVoter’s views and happily shares them. You can connect with Deirdre at www.exhaustedrapunzel.com.