Phil Luciano: Blagojevich has no new tales to tell
Readers are angered about Rod Blagojevich's book-bound babblings.
Apparently, some folks get upset about a six-figure publishing deal for someone who has disgraced all of Illinois with his federal indictments, lame excuses and bad hair.
Reader Dennis wants me to spark what he calls a "Blagojevich book boycott."
"How about you lead the way in declaring it to be the intent of all sane Illinois residents to swear not to buy his leftover garbage?" Dennis suggests. "Maybe if other Americans see that we have pledged not to enrich this stumblebum, they they'll follow suit."
Meanwhile, state Rep. Jack Franks, D-Woodstock, has proposed a bill to stop Blagojevich from reaping book profits if he is convicted. "I don't want politicians to think that crime pays," Franks says.
Actually, I wouldn't mind if Blagojevich made a buck off his foibles - if he were to choose another venue. For example, he could go to the State Fair - someone could provide him directions to Springfield - and take a seat in a dunk tank. I bet the other 12,419,292 residents of Illinois might want a shot at sending Blago into the tank - especially if the water were steeped with nasty, sharp-toothed creatures, like alligators or piranhas or Patti Blagojevich.
Meanwhile, Rod will work on his book. As he put it last month, "I've got my crayons ready." Somehow, with a mind like his, you don't think he's kidding. And I bet his favorite color is blood red.
His publisher is an independent house called Phoenix Books, known for its tell-alls. One of its memoirs is by Armin Meiwes, a charming storyteller from Germany who graced his pages with his recollections of killing and eating one of his friends. I'm not sure if bookstores stock that tome under autobiographies or recipes.
Regardless, that scoundrel shares the same modus operandi as Blago, who promises to shred his former Capitol colleagues. In other words, he'll do in print the same as he did at his endless, back-biting press conferences while governor: throw poop at everyone else, then duck and run.
But I wouldn't worry about his book making too much money. For people to buy scandal books, there's got to be a really socko story in there.
But what does Blago have to tout? He wants to point out "phoniness and hypocrisy" in those who run state government.
Wow. You mean Springfield is rife with jokers who say one thing and do the other? Say it ain't so, Blago.
But there's much, much more. He says, "A bunch of them are cheating on their spouses. A lot of them drink in excess."
Cheaters and boozers? That hardly makes Springfield out to be like Sodom and Gomorrah. Rather, it seems like Bartonville and South Pekin - and every other burg and big city across the state and nation.
Still, Blago pushes on with his scurrilous allegations: "Very few of them know what's going on. They just take their marching orders from legislative leaders."
Um, yeah. That's how government works: The old guard pulls puppet strings. Welcome to America.
As for Blagojevich's other book topics, certainly he won't incriminate himself. In the end, our ousted governor doesn't have much of a story.
It promises to be rather blah - call him Blah-go. And for the average reader, a boring book rates as a no-go.
Phil Luciano can be reached email@example.com or (309) 686-3155.