Frank Mulligan: These are the days of our lives
Yes, once again the fervent longings of a significant portion of the earth’s population will be met with the latest installment of “Did this conversation actually take place?”
Described by many as “better than a non-stop thrill ride,” it’s the quirky reoccurring interactive column that all the kids are talking about when they’re not talking about something else.
The rules are simple:
The reader is asked to analyze the following conversation and deduce whether it actually took place verbatim, is partially contrived or is wholly the product of a mind that might not be all that terrible a thing to waste.
The setting is a newspaper office located somewhere within the continental United States. Managing Editor Alice approaches Editor Frank to remind him that the press schedule for his three publications has been accelerated due to the holiday weekend.
Editor Frank sits in his cubicle as Managing Editor Alice approaches, seemingly lost in thought, or perhaps simply bewildered.
Managing Editor Alice: You got the e-mail about the press schedule, right?
Editor Frank: Yes.
Managing Editor Alice: And Friday is Monday, right?
Editor Frank: Um … yes, Friday is Monday.
Managing Editor Alice: Which makes Thursday Friday, right?
Editor Frank: Uh, right. That makes Thursday Friday. And Tuesday’s Friday, too, right?
Managing Editor Alice: No, Tuesday’s Tuesday.
Editor Frank: Then what’s Monday?
Managing Editor Alice: Monday’s the holiday. That’s why Tuesday’s Tuesday.
Editor Frank: I thought last year Tuesday was Friday, too, even though Monday was the holiday and Friday was Monday and Thursday was Friday.
Managing Editor Alice: No, Tuesday’s always been Tuesday, even when Monday’s the holiday and Friday is Monday and Thursday is Friday.
Editor Frank: Oh, yeah. That’s right, and then next week Friday is Friday again and Thursday is Thursday.
Managing Editor Alice: Right.
Editor Frank: And Wednesday’s Wednesday?
Managing Editor Alice: Wednesday’s always Wednesday.
Editor Frank: Wednesday used to be Prince Spaghetti Day, but that was years ago.
Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media Service’s Raynham, Mass., office and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.