Pop Culture: Unloading a few everyday annoyances
Writing a humor column can be fun, but there’s a downside.
To make room in my brain for the happy stuff, negative thoughts and pet peeves pile up over time.
It’s all minor stuff, but once in a while it’s good to unload all that baggage and start afresh.
So allow me a tirade this week, to get it out of my system. I?call this “little things I?hate.”
Little things I hate:
- Writer’s block.
- Chocolate-chip cookies containing nuts.
- SNL?movie spinoffs.
- “Impact” used as a verb.
- Dr. Pepper.
- Getting stuck with the puke-brown board-game piece.
- Dialing a wrong number, and having the person on the other end get angry at you for accidentally calling them.
- Great bands with bad names.
- Bad bands with great names.
- A, E, I, O, U — and sometimes Y.
- Months with five Mondays.
- Years with 13 months.
- Driving over a pothole.
- Stepping in a mud puddle.
- Falling face-first into a vat of ketchup.
- Reno is farther west than San Diego.
- Breaking a shoelace on your Crocs.
- The final 115 minutes of “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.”
- The middle third of the periodic table.
- A list of “Best celebrity names” that doesn’t include Wink Martindale.
- People who think they’re too important to say, “You’re welcome, please.”
- Blowing a spelling bee on an easy word like “floccinaucinihilipilification.”
- People who name their cat “President William Henry Harrison.”
- Going out for dinner wearing a brand new shirt, and the waiter spills a whole glass of Tide on it.
- Nobody put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong.
- Mules that refuse to be stubborn.
- A deck of playing cards with 52 cards missing.
- Failing to invent the cotton gin.
- Dreaming that you’re rich, famous and successful, then waking up and realizing it’s all true.
- Halfway through preparing a big meal, you run out of bauxite.
- Trying to teach an ostrich how to play pinball.
- Being reincarnated as a bag of pretzels.
- “Little things I?hate” lists.