Charita Goshay: A Buckeye is a kind of nut — obviously
Ohio may be slogging through a sea of economic troubles, but we’re No. 1 in one export: goofballs.
Sure, we’ve produced Thomas Edison, Halle Berry, Stephen Spielberg, Neil Armstrong and the Wright Brothers, but not even the Chinese can compete with our output of serial killers, religious zealots, overbearing sports parents and all-purpose knuckleheads.
We’ve also given the nation eight presidents, so it comes as no surprise that Robert Burck, who is running for the office, hails from Ohio.
If you’ve ever been to Manhattan, you know Burck as “The Naked Cowboy.” Burck, who also models, can be seen year-round along Broadway clad in nothing more than briefs, a guitar, a crucifix, boots and a cowboy hat.
Because, um, that’s what Jesus wore?
If it’s even possible to be an ultraconservative while making a living singing in your underpants, the Cincinnati native plans to run in 2012 as a tea party Republican.
Burck, who ran for mayor of New York City in 2009, promises that as president, he’ll slash the federal work force by 40 percent and he’ll restore the sanctity of marriage.
“America needs a president who will stand up for America and protect its language, its borders, and most importantly, its culture,” Burck said at his press conference.
Apparently, the folks back home feel the same way. In 2009, Burck caused a ruckus when it was learned he was scheduled to perform at the Greenhills Summer Festival near Cincinnati.
But who knows? Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown’s political career certainly wasn’t damaged by posing for Playgirl back in the 1980s. Better Burck in briefs than Joe the Plumber.
You could be one
Even if you weren’t lucky enough to have been born in Ohio, take heart. You still may qualify as an honorary Buckeye if you’ve ever:
• Experienced moments of deep denial, as evidenced by your wearing cargo shorts and flip-flops in February.
• Woken up with “bed hair” so awful, people mistook you for James Traficant.
• Memorized dialogue from “A Christmas Story.”
• Initiated a conversation by complaining about the weather.
• Attended a christening, wedding or funeral dressed like Jim Tressel.
Charita Goshay writes for The Repository in Canton, Ohio. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.