Frank Mulligan: The positives of rising gas prices

Frank Mulligan

I’ve been accused of being contradictory, but I’m so not.

Nevertheless, I will be somewhat contradictory here in looking at the positive aspects to rising gas prices.

Sure, it’s easy to be petty and find the negatives in being unable to afford to … well, you know, drive anywhere. But there are various advantages that have yet to be explored.

For instance, higher gas prices mean you’ll spend way less time pumping $10 worth of gas into your car. If it’s raining out, you’ll get less wet!

Here are just a few other bright spots in the dark gloom that is the rising cost of fuel.

- Think of the wear and tear you’ll save on your car since you won’t be able to drive it.

- The horse and carriage could make a comeback. Can you picture how quaint interstates will look?

- Vacation plans will be simplified by your inability to travel further than the edge of town.

- You’ll get an opportunity to learn more about the edge of town during your vacation.

- Siphoning will bring back memories of the ’70s for nostalgia buffs, and the taste of gasoline. Yecch.

- Travel by rickshaw might catch on.

- You’ll be much less likely to get involved in a road rage incident since you won’t be on the road.

- Drive-through windows will be less busy. Those people deserve some break time.

- Arsonists might get discouraged and find a new line of work.

- More people will be encouraged to “walk the Earth,” like Kwai Chang Caine in “Kung Fu.”

- The people who post the prices on those big gas-station signs will get more work.

- You’ll be less likely to use the expression, “Now you’re cooking with gas,” which dates you.

- NASCAR races might get shorter.

- NASCAR races might end altogether.

- Stephen Wright will be proven right: “Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”

Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media New England’s Plymouth office, and can be reached at