Loretta LaRoche: Honey, they shrunk my clothes
I recently went shopping to buy summer clothes and was hard pressed to find pants or blouses that didn’t look like they had been shrink wrapped.
Something has happened to the sleeves on T-shirts, blouses and tunics. Someone in the fashion world decided that they should be three-quarters instead of full length. The sales clerk in one of the stores said this is what the majority of women want because they’re cooler.
I don’t get that explanation, because I have never had hot forearms that drove me to cut off the bottom of my sleeves.
I can unequivocally say that I don’t like them, nor do I think they’re flattering, unless you’re young, thin and have long arms. I’m sure my opinion is jaded and somewhat cynical, but I personally don’t think that older women have very exciting forearms, unless you’ve been training with the Navy SEALs.
I have short arms, and wearing a blouse that has three-quarter-length sleeves gives them a stumpy look.
Pant length has also been shortened. Capris are now a phenomenon. Once again, being short becomes a problem with this style. They should hit you at mid-calf, but when you’re vertically challenged, they often end up being just shy of the top of your ankle and look like you had them hemmed by a pissed-off seamstress. The taller you are, the better you look. Wearing mid-calf pants when you look like a Sumo wrestler doesn’t really make sense either.
A lot of shirts and pants have lycra in them so that – according to the designers – they don’t lose their shape. Well, lycra also attaches itself to you like glue and can make your lumps, bumps and muffin tops look grossly exaggerated. It also feels hot.
Once again, this is one woman’s opinion. I find material that skims over the body to be much more flattering. But I come from a generation that had family watch dogs. My grandmother and my mother were not interested in following fashion. They were interested in making sure your appearance reflected family values and self-respect.
I’m sure sleeves and pants will get longer again. They have to, because we all know that to sell, sell, sell, you need to keep convincing people that what they have doesn’t work for them anymore.
Author, humorist, PBS star and Fortune 500 trainer Loretta LaRoche lives in Plymouth. To share your pet peeves, questions or comments, write to The Humor Potential, 50 Court St., Plymouth 02360, send e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org, visit the website at www.stressed.com, or call toll-free 800-998-2324. Read more of her columns. Read her blog. Listen to her radio show.